WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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