I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
