she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
