dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
