In the future we'll all be gay
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
