Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
