i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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