R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
