im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
