I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
