He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
