Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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