We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
