I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I look better un-naked...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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