omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
