She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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