so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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