I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
