I'm drive I can fine osifer
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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