Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
