Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
