I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
