drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
