i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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