it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pappa wants mamma naked
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
whose parrot is this?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
