i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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