He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
