He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
