addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize