I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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