is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
