whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
