So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize