Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
