absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
