I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
