i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
