ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His nipple licking is glorious
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