Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are we still banned from the library?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize