she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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