____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
as a side note pls kill me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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