You're so nebulous sometimes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
