He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
