i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
