U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
