Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
