There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
