He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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