I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
