Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
