You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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