I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
