There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
