I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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