I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
