I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
