i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
