but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
