Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
