my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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