I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
