those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
