We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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