I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
