who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
