Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
