he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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