She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
