This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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