how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
