Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
