Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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