I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
