The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
