As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
worst night to have a conscience
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
