At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
