I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
