ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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