He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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