Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
