Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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