i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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